It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize