fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
