she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
