Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

it's not cheating when I paid for it

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(678): View more from Georgia

I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.

(347): View more from New York

Something to remember me by.

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(417): View more from Missouri

Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel

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(217): View more from Illinois

She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop

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(775): View more from Nevada

I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.

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(515): View more from Iowa

We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?

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(701): View more from North Dakota

He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10

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(518): View more from New York

Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.

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