remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
