She is in my trunk
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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