hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
