I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
