I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize