Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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