new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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