god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
