Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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