We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
