The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
