I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
