Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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