Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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