i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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