I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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