just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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