Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
