Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
