Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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