I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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