we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
