So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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