Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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