Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
