Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
