we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize