Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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