I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
