I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
