all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
