just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Green mimosas i think yes
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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