i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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