Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
