he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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