I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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