tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
