While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
