We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
