I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
