so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
