You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
