I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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