youre lurking in front of me
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
