Nicole vs. Life
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
