one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
