this beer tastes like vomit already
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
