grandma shit on top of the toilet
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
