I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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