Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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