If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
