'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
