loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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