He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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