Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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