watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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