I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I love you. Go after that dick
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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