She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
