You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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