i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
