You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
