Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
