Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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