i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
