i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
